“The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination” ~ Don Williams Jr. (American novelist and poet)
A relationship, a friendship, a job or project needs time before we learn its worth and the ability to build on. It needs patience. It’s like climbing a mountain where you have uncomfortable moments, fogginess and uncertainty of which path to take. These moments are succeeded by times of pure bliss when views are clear. It’s a pulling and pushing force when it doesn’t seem to flow. For writing goes the same.
The end of last week I felt quite lost. I was not only questioning my writing activities, but all choices I had made and still make by living simply on Ibiza. I was critizing myself. Worrying what family and friends are thinking of my choices in life. As a result I felt a lack of inspiration – which really sucked – asking myself: am I on the right track?
I don’t regret quitting my job here on Ibiza last July. After three years it was the right thing to do and this is the time to build on my relationship with writing. These past months I wrote whatever I wanted to write. I approached some magazines and online-media to offer my articles to. Some of them were replying and accepted my pieces, others didn’t. However, I feel like I just started to climb that mountain, so maybe I should be more patient with myself while I work on new articles and also poems for a book I wish to publish.
Life knows its ups and downs. If we have more time on our hands, like I have now (and it’s a true luxury to have time!), it often means time to over-think questions and events in life. “Am I on the right track” is such a question. “I don’t know” is an answer too.
However, this isn’t new for me. Before we moved to Ibiza and I used to work as a legal consultant, later freelance, I asked myself this question too. But it occupied me less as I didn’t have the time to think about it seriously. I just woke up each morning and did what I had to do earning more than enough money to live a comfortable life and eat sushi every Friday evening.
Those with labour or freelance contracts or those who are entrepeneurs might question too if they’re on the right track, but keep doing what is expected as the mortgage, billls, cars, holidays and children clothes have to be paid. Besides, it feels safe, having a jobtitle or occupation. For most of us, it does. It’s a role. To say that I was a legal consultant made things clear. I identified myself with this role which felt safe and distancing myself from that role have resulted in being a ship without knowing its direction. But like I said, having that role didn’t prevent me from questioning my direction in life.
It’s a beautiful sunny November day while I’m writing these contemplations. I walked this morning on the beach and among these days on which I feel like a rudderless ship, I’m super thankful for my life here with the man I love. I adore the beauty of this island this time of year and know this is my home I love.
Those who might feel lost too, remember this: You don’t always have your answers ready and that isn’t something to be ashamed of. “I don’t know” is an answer too (thanks D). You might not know your destination, but you’re travelling knowing that your steps finally tell you the answers you were looking for. Be patient with yourself and your journey.