A Ship Without Direction

A relationship, a friendship, a job or project needs time before we learn its worth and the ability to build on. It needs patience. It’s like climbing a mountain where you experience uncomfortable moments. For writing goes the same.

“The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination” ~ Don Williams Jr. (American novelist and poet)

A relationship, a friendship, a job or project needs time before we learn its worth and the ability to build on. It needs patience. It’s like climbing a mountain where you have uncomfortable moments, fogginess and uncertainty of which path to take. These moments are succeeded by times of pure bliss when views are clear. It’s a pulling and pushing force when it doesn’t seem to flow. For writing goes the same.

Lost

The end of last week I felt quite lost. I was not only questioning my writing activities, but all choices I had made and still make by living simply on Ibiza. I was critizing myself. Worrying what family and friends are thinking of my choices in life. As a result I felt a lack of inspiration – which really sucked – asking myself: am I on the right track?

I don’t regret quitting my job here on Ibiza last July. After three years it was the right thing to do and this is the time to build on my relationship with writing. These past months I wrote whatever I wanted to write. I approached some magazines and online-media to offer my articles to. Some of them were replying and accepted my pieces, others didn’t. However, I feel like I just started to climb that mountain, so maybe I should be more patient with myself while I work on new articles and also poems for a book I wish to publish.

Life knows its ups and downs. If we have more time on our hands, like I have now (and it’s a true luxury to have time!), it often means time to over-think questions and events in life. “Am I on the right track” is such a question. “I don’t know” is an answer too.

Sushi

However, this isn’t new for me. Before we moved to Ibiza and I used to work as a legal consultant, later freelance, I asked myself this question too. But it occupied me less as I didn’t have the time to think about it seriously. I just woke up each morning and did what I had to do earning more than enough money to live a comfortable life and eat sushi every Friday evening.

Role

Those with labour or freelance contracts or those who are entrepeneurs might question too if they’re on the right track, but keep doing what is expected as the mortgage, billls, cars, holidays and children clothes have to be paid. Besides, it feels safe, having a jobtitle or occupation. For most of us, it does. It’s a role. To say that I was a legal consultant made things clear. I identified myself with this role which felt safe and distancing myself from that role have resulted in being a ship without knowing its direction. But like I said, having that role didn’t prevent me from questioning my direction in life.

Thankful

It’s a beautiful sunny November day while I’m writing these contemplations. I walked this morning on the beach and among these days on which I feel like a rudderless ship, I’m super thankful for my life here with the man I love. I adore the beauty of this island this time of year and know this is my home I love.

Those who might feel lost too, remember this: You don’t always have your answers ready and that isn’t something to be ashamed of. “I don’t know” is an answer too (thanks D). You might not know your destination, but you’re travelling knowing that your steps finally tell you the answers you were looking for. Be patient with yourself and your journey.

Con Amor,

Eva

 

 

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Yoga, my Companion on my Journey.

”The more we sweat in peace, the less we bleed in war.” ~ Vijaya Lakshmi Pandit

I have fully embraced yoga since I discovered its power and healing energy.

Flow, movement, effort and grace result in rejuvenation, gratefulness, calm and relaxation. When I’m on my mat, at times feeling uncomfortable, I know I will leave it with peace of mind.

Grateful for her, my wonderful teacher, and this practise I step into the world. I cycle home after dark in the soft autumn air, riding the country roads of Ibiza to the tunes of crickets, barking dogs and singing night birds off in the distance. There’s a kind of magic in these moments after yoga. With faithful starry heavens looking upon me I return home, light, unafraid and a heart filled with love. I am a mystical being. I feel like I am the stars I look at, I am the dark sky and the moon. Trivial and loud conversations in my head are muted, no longer determined to be heard.

All flies and all goes. There’s a stillness in and around me. No longer am I a worry woman, but a warrior woman. I know what’s worth fighting for, what really matters to me, yoga gives me that clearity.

Mornings started with yoga feel better than mornings without yoga. Then why do I still skip my practice some days? Yoga is discipline. If I want to grow further, I need to practise everyday. I am on my way. I am travelling. Yoga is my companion on my journey.

I have chosen this path to walk on, sometimes rocky and slippery, but worthwhile for the views on this path are magnificent. It isn’t the main path, the path which modern life expects me to travel. I decided to take a turn which is close to my beliefs. Once I step over the stones, these hurdles trying to brake me, there’s another one wanting me to change my course, not respecting my path, making me doubt, trying to make me fall and lose my balance. But this is my path, the road less travelled, where the treasures that wait for me on the horizon aren’t material wealth and success, but freedom and simplicity. Awareness and compassion. Patience. In fact, the journey, the path, is all this. And yoga is my comrade that keeps me balanced in travelling this path.

With both feet I always return gracefully to the ground after I float away on the waves of my breath. Yoga lets me drift away and escape from the noise which is all around. With yoga as my companion I follow my heart’s desires. I am aware and present. Held on to by old spirits and souls in heaven I pick myself up and continue my steps. Held on to by love’s power I walk on. Let’s come together where we can sweat in peace rather than to bleed in war. Let’s practise. Let’s walk here till there’s only love and unity left.

 

Con Amor,

Eva

 

 

Autumn Leaves.

Welcome October! Each year it’s a fascinating swift. A calmness rules and summer hectic is soon to be forgotten. Ibiza is even more beautiful in autumn.

It’s October! My most favourite month on Ibiza has arrived!

In October the sun shines softer, there’s something about the light…so beautiful and the skies are pink when evening falls. The island seems to breathe again, fuller and deeper, the heavy load of summer seems to dissolve slowly until there’s only pure relaxation.

October feels like magic. The golden light softens all there is. At the same time it means a farewell to summer and that always brings a melancholic kind of mood. By the end of the month the island goes in “winter state” which means all tourists have left and most of the beach restaurants have closed their doors. A calmness rules and summer hectic is soon to be forgotten.

Each year it’s a fascinating swift. I love it. I believe Ibiza is most beautiful these last months of the year. It’s authentic and I’m thankful to be here now. On Ibiza there are no autumns with its falling blazing red coloured leaves, but there’s definitely an atmosphere in the sky which brings everyone more inwards. That’s what autumn does, so this won’t be particularly the time for the thrill seekers, but for the ones travelling their inner journey.

While I am writing this my sister and her family are here for a week. I notice that it’s hard for me to focus on writing now they are here. But not to worry, I foresee more than enough writing days ahead of me. For autumn is the time for being more inwards it creates some good times for writing. As writing is thinking.

Nine years ago in Amsterdam I sent my resignation letter to my employer where I worked as a legal consultant. It was autumn 2009 and I felt for the first time my journey began. I was letting go something that always felt safe to me, but where I didn’t see a future anymore. I rode my bicycle across the city where the streets where covered with autumn leaves, looking for a postoffice to post my letter. I still remember how it felt the moment I gave the post guy my letter. I went off to a coffee place, sat down and through the cafe window I watched the trees. Trees standing tall in the old city street, letting go their leaves, reaching for their roots. I’m still on that same journey. Good and bad things happened in between and I’m still travelling. I always will be. Aren’t we all travellers?

If you might have paused your travel for whatever reason, autumn is the time to continue your journey. We don’t need to go far. Really we don’t. There are landscapes to discover, rivers to explore. It’s all within. We are the journey.

 

Con Amor,

Eva

 

 

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Realizing dreams this summer

It’s getting hotter each day now. The island shows busy beaches and more and more cars and holiday makers arrive every day. Pumping beats coming from the boats at sea, people wearing less clothes and sweaty sunburnt skin. This all means summer has started on Ibiza. The time already has arrived where you’d better plan your activities in the early morning or in the evening. Better not to hurry the rest of the day if work has to be done or you need to go somewhere. Take your time. Tranquilo. Yes, life is getting more slow. There’s not much than surrender to it. The earth is dry. It won’t rain for months. Our fourth summer on Ibiza, we know moreless what to expect, right?

Crazy..?

Yes, we pretty know how life goes in summer on Ibiza. Yet, this summer will be a little bit different.

Last year in August AJ, Dorus nephew from New Zealand, came to visit us and lived with us for three months. This summer I will experience since many years how it will be to live on my own again. My beloved man will be away for a couple of months. He goes on a sweaty bike adventure, biking all the way from Spain to Amsterdam. His dad, who lives in New Zealand, will visit family in the Netherlands in September and of course Dorus wants to see his dad. As he wants to make it a “green and eco responsable” trip Dorus prefers to travel by bike instead of an easy, but polluting, voyage of 2,5 hours by plane..Yes, I admire him for that, but wow you must be quite crazy too to start a journey like that or not? Well, crazy he is.. He wishes to cross the Mediterranean by sailboat and to continue his journey from Dénia (in the mainland Spain) to Amsterdam on his bike. I was invited to be his company on this trip, but decided he would do much better on his own 😉 It will be an adventure that’s for sure, and it would be very exciting, but also hard to travel such a huge distance by mountainbike. One way will take him 3 weeks. A friend of ours had done the same. By plane it only takes 2,5 hours.. Imagine!

Alone time..

So it means we will be by ourselves for that period of time. I immediately invited some family to come over for one week as soon as the plan was serious. On the one hand I’m confident I’ll be totally okay. On the other hand I already feel the missing part. The longer you’re together with someone you love, the more you realize that life without him/her is unthinkable. The thought of it already hurts a bit…Together life is more beautiful, at least for me it is (and I know for Dorus too). However, we are born alone and we’ll die alone. That is certain.  So come on, only two months! After that he will return. I feel a mix of pure excitement (for him, for his experience) and also fear, because he must stay safe and come back home alive please!

I lived alone for quite some years before we got together. I have learned to be alone and to appreciate my own company. Almost all of my friends were in relationships, my solitude wasn’t always wanted.  Yet, I didn’t feel I was suffering from it (maybe sometimes a tiny bit) and I had a deep faith (still don’t know where that was coming from) one day I would meet my soulmate, so living on my own would be just temporarily. And it happened, totally unexpected. The longer we’re together, the more I love this man and don’t want it to stop.

Good intentions

Last week I found just a perfect spot to sit down for some contemplation (or perhaps meditation when I have the patience..) and start the day. It’s close to home and just magical. I thought it could be a wonderful place to go to in the mornings when Dorus is on his adventure. I can send out good intentions for both of us. It’s a place looking out over the Mediterranean Sea where I’ll go to, to wonder and even to pray (it’s not the place on the picture..)

Writing night owl 

So for God’s sake what am I going to do those summer months while he is away?? What do you think? I’m on Ibiza, so let’s partyyy and get drunk…Hahaa sorry, but that won’t be it. In these “slow summer months” I plan to write a lot, to work on a book, a novel. That’s the idea. I started writing earlier this year, but haven’t worked on it for months. I noticed you really need to be super focused and super dedicated to write a novel and to be by yourself. Only you, nobody around. Preferably writing at night works well for me. That means these summer months there’s more chance I will come closer to my goal. I need to prevent to change in a night owl too much though and not forget to cook dinner. Still I’m not sure yet if I can write a whole book. I’m having a lot of doubts and big chance I will delete the pages I have written so far and start anew. Who knows?! There’s only one way to find out and that’s by doing it. Anyway, this summer we both hope to realize one of our dreams: a bike ride from Spain to Amsterdam and back and writing a first manuscript for a book. Let’s see how it all goes 🙂

Have a beautiful summer wherever you are, whatever you do!

With Love,

Eva

 

 

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“I am a desert woman and I am proud of that. I want you to wander as free as the wind that shapes the dunes. And, if I have to, I will accept the fact that you have become a part of the clouds, and the animals, and the water of the desert.”

From “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho

 

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