Our Captain

Today, 16 years ago, we found ourselves on a ship

in stormy weather, fighting against the waves

with endless and dark oceans beneath us

the sails tormented by the rushing wind

determined to continue this restless voyage

for being rescued in safer havens


Promptly, destiny decided

the captain of the ship lost

not at the rudder anymore

to guide us through the ruthless seas

a ship without a captain is like a heaven without stars


Defeated by the shock of emptiness

overwhelmed by a grief that diggs deep into your soul

for losing him who had been the captain for many years

through the highest, sweetest tides, through pools of love

it felt as most unfair in the whole world


The sails rippled and teared by the violent storm

the steerless ship without direction at sea

Defeated. Lost. Why him. Why?


16 years later the wind is less heavy

today no harsh storms at sea

yet stormy weather knows

to find the way to my heart


Our captain is not sailing the ship anymore

but often I feel he’s still there

silently around here

silently fills the air with love

as strong as the deepest oceans

he guides me to safe havens


Not a day goes by

without thinking, without realising

we, the crew, are still missing our captain

today, 16 years later

not a single day


We love you, Dad





  1. Finding myself at the graveyard looking to the stone carved words: “m’n grote liefde en onze allerliefste pappa en opi. Ontslapen 9 december 1999”. I calculate the years. Again I calculate the years. No way…16 years! I feel a certain panic. Will I still remember my daddy in 16 years from now like I do today? Or worse: Are things already fading? Do I still remember my father and mother as a couple, as my parents doing things together? Laughing, crying, arguing? How can I capture these memories?
    I cannot. And it scared the crap out of me. Again some panic. I’m looking for something comforting. And then I remembered. You wrote something beautiful Eef. I read it yesterday. Comforting words. I start up my iphone, looking for your blog, tried all combinations with your name and the Spanish word of “moon” or something like that. Finally I found it. And it comforted me Eef. Sitting on my knees, reading your poem and from time to time looking at the carved words.
    Thanks sister, you calmed me down. I’m able to say again, like I always do when visiting our dad: “ Sorry I can’t stay longer, but ride with me. I’m having a long road ahead of me.


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