Why my temporary alone time isn’t unconditional love.

I love you

as I can be all by myself these months

with my thoughts, plans and moods.

Me, myself and I.

Just be me.

No expectations.

Go buying vegetables on the market not today, but tomorrow,

it doesn’t matter.

Let the dish-washing in the kitchen for another hour,

perhaps skipping dinner and have more chocolate instead,

coming home in the middle of the night,

who cares!

Laissez-fair all around.

 

Work and after that be as free as a bird.

Freedom,

it means the world to many of us.

Watch movies until late,

read books in the middle of the night

when I can’t sleep because the bed is empty next to me.

The first week you were good to me, alone time

and I was crazy about you.

I really liked you.

The second week you began to annoy me.. not too bad, just small things, I almost got over them,

like it’s only my presence in the house,

the restlessness I didn’t expect.

The sleepness nights began, falling asleep very late each night.

Sorry, but you won’t make me the most happiest woman like this,

despite all the experts telling us how important and needed you are.

The third week I’ve known mornings I felt sad when I woke up with sheets unslept beside me.

No morning hugs.

Morning coffee alone.

No talking and relaxed beginnings of the day together.

But the sea I look out to will always be there.

She welcomes me every new day,

she has known storms too.

It’s okay.

 

The weeks after are an interesting mix

of my solitude

and desire to see other people from time to time.

I love you alone time.

My solitude at home,

it makes me listen to my inner-voice,

exploring wisdom.

So much time for reflection.

To have this now,

it’s good.

 

There are less distractions too.

No consensus.

It makes me want to write.

It’s all in my head,

the bundles of thoughts.

I want to write them down.

They are with too many now and frankly they tire me,

I know why.

These contemplations are unventilated,

no spoken words

to the lover who’s gone these months.

They are missing feedback.

Figments

moving in circles

in my head.

It’s bad.

 

Bicycling, walks and yoga

reassure me even more than they already did.

Alone time and I will break up soon.

That makes me happy, not sad.

Living on my own, my temporary alone time,

I believe you’re capable of such beautiful dreams.

You may come around once and awhile,

I even may need you,

but if it will be for too long you’d better stay away.

As long as possible.

Do you hear me?

Actually, my life doesn’t really need you.

Not like some people

who are craving you these days until they burn out.

If it’s voluntarily

I understand so well.

 

Con Amor,

Eva