Ever doubt your goals or what you strongly believe in, works or is actually true?
We are evolving beings and ideas we had before can change over time. Because we have accumulated more knowledge and experience or our priorities in life have simply shifted.
I love the tiny house lifestyle: to live on a small surface area, off-grid, sustainable, debt-free. You know, these small, cute houses you see on the internet, videos on social media, all very Instagrammable. All looks just perfect and the owners are happy people, telling in front of the camera how they built the place, and how they enjoy their free life, as there’s no more mortgage to pay. You know that Everybody Loves The Sunshine kinda atmosphere.
Truth is, living tiny isn’t always sunshine and reggae. A pan I don’t know where to store, so I put it just quickly on the floor while cooking dinner. A broken glass that fell of the kitchen counter, as it is actually too small to do the dishes well. Actually I need to wash up every time after I have used cups and plates. Clothes I store in big boxes under the bed. Not having a generous fridge.
But also true, our converted shed (into a tiny home) is still in progress and not finished yet. Dorus will make cupboards in the kitchen part to store all our jars with dry food (oats, chickpeas, beans etc) and installs sockets in the walls, etc.
Carpenters’ homes are always full with jobs to fix, but the carpenter is often too busy with other people’s homes. They say, patience is a virtue, right? Is it wrong to just want things NOW?
It doesn’t make any difference though, as Dorus is just completely occupied by other projects at the moment, such as our Green Gorillas project.
We both put a lot of time, money and effort in this project and some weeks ago I was about to give up, as I see hardly any revenues (bookings for our Eco courses). That isn’t surprising as we are still in the midst of Covid. This virus and restrictions don’t seem to end. Of course, these times aren’t the easiest to earn money with something you believe in.
Therefore I decided not to give up. It’s too early to draw conclusions. It both excites me (what if it truly works and we get dozens of bookings?) and worries me (what if after two years we still have too few bookings?)
It’s funny; a girl commented to one of our posts on Instagram “you guys are living the dream”. The truth is, my ultimate dream is to write. And I must not forget about this. Writing came last these past weeks. Last, as it didn’t happen at all.
Also because at times I struggle with myself and everything I do, goes with lots of effort. Truly nothing is effortless and goes smoothly then. It’s like I have to move mountains, just to achieve some small, stupid things, such as buying a watering can for the plants. Once a month I have these struggling times with a body that hurts and moods that swing rock hard. I have come to the conclusion it’s PMS. I am very lucky I have a man who’s understanding and sweet on those bad days and makes me cups of herbal tea.
For years I took evening primrose oil tablets each day to relieve these ailments. I haven’t took them since we moved to Mallorca. Lately Amazon is my rescue for things I can’t buy in and around this village. Not particularly ecological and supportive of the small and local businesses. But so practical — and lazy. Amazon sends it to the post office in the village and I get a notification as soon as it arrives. So evening primrose oil tablets I’m about to order. It always takes a few months before the effects are noticeable (less belly cramps, less mood swings).
Yes, I’m going to dedicate more time to write, because that really puts a smile on my face. Only as I write I feel moments of flow, these timeless moments. Aliveness it is. Pure energy. Why wasn’t I listening better?
What are your (eco) confessions?
Photo by Luke Stackpoole/Unsplash